In Memory of My Dad

My dad is gone. Three weeks ago he went on a cruise with his friend Phyllis. Dad was 91 and Phyllis 96. Two weeks in the Caribbean! Wow! They had a wonderful trip. Upon return dad was exhausted. The travel wore him out.  He fell in his kitchen, had to be hospitalized and declined from there. He left us on March 9th. I will miss my dad greatly.

Many of you have heard my dad’s voice. Years ago while speaking at a church during an evening question-and-answer time, someone’s phone began to ring in the church. As everyone was looking around, I realized it was my phone. When I saw “DAD,” I swiped it to hang up. Little did I know that I had accidentally answered the call and put him on speaker phone! We had a short conversation and I hung up. 

This gave me an idea: I began calling my dad when posed with questions in church addressing Jewish people (Are Jewish people waiting for the Messiah? What do Jewish people believe about the afterlife? Why don’t Jewish people believe in Jesus? etc.).  I’d often call him and ask him the questions publicly. He loved answering questions for people. He was frank and honest. He’d joke around and make people laugh. Everyone loved hearing from my dad. 

No family or dad is perfect. Dad divorced my mom when I was in my 40’s. It was a painful time. But I have to say, overall, my childhood memories are very positive. I was blessed to be raised in a loving home, with a dad who was present, involved, and affectionate. Both of my parents taught me well and set relatively good rules. My Jewish home was filled with love and nurturing. I was instilled with an identity…both a Jewish one, and a personal one. 

I learned a lot from my dad. Here are just a few of the values he taught me over the years...

The Value of Thinking Deeply & Asking Questions

Dad was a student of history, politics, economics, people, and religion. Being “well-rounded” was very important to him. He didn’t just want to be an expert in one thing. He wanted to be an expert in everything! When I began college in pre-Med he encouraged me to register as a history major. He said, “Doctors need to know more than just biology and chemistry.” As a doctor himself, his patients loved him because of his love and care for them as people. Dad saw no skin color. He treated everyone the same - with dignity and respect. 

Dad’s favorite question was, “Why?” Sometimes he drove me crazy with that question, “Why?” However I knew that he was wanting to go deeper into the topic at hand. 

When I became a believer in Jesus, he certainly questioned my decision to accept Jesus as the Messiah. When I dove deep into my decision for Jesus, I was able to get into challenging conversations because I was trained to answer questions as well as ask them. Early on, my dad was angry about my faith decision and gathered many rabbis around him to fight my faith. The value of thinking deeply, instilled in me by my dad, became strength for me as I learned to defend my faith well. 

Over the years we had many conversations. I was able to ask him, “Why?” “Dad, why don’t you believe in Jesus? How do you read the messianic prophecies in the Jewish scriptures? Will you consider what the bible says about God and the Messiah?” Over the years we studied with his rabbi together, went to synagogue together, and grew closer to each other. My dad came to respect me and the work that I do. We disagreed on many issues. But because of our mutual desire to learn and ask why, our relationship deepened.

The Value of Principles

My dad knew how to “turn the other cheek,” but he also knew how to fight for a cause. I was first called a “Christ killer” when I was 8 years old by the pastor’s son who lived next door. Our family was familiar with ignorance and antisemitism in High Point, NC where I grew up. My dad always fought for what he believed to be right. I learned how to do that from him. 

He was the first podiatrist in High Point, NC - a pioneer in the field of podiatry. He fought for his profession. He was politically active. He took me to Common Cause meetings, a liberal activist organization. He worked for a local alcoholic rehabilitation center and took me along sometimes to meet the recovering alcoholics. He wanted me to learn from them.

My dad had his beliefs and his principles. He fought hard for them. In the 1960’s Emerywood Country Club in High Point had a policy of “no Jews and no Blacks allowed.” My dad fought that bigoted rule, won the fight, and then declined to join when invited. My dad was a strong proponent of the separation of church and state. Though we might disagree on some of these points today, when I was growing up he fought to end prayer in school, prayer over the loudspeaker before high school games “in Jesus name,” and to remove the Bible from the classroom. 

When I became a believer in Jesus, dad’s principle was Jews don’t believe in Jesus. Dad fought me for a decade or more. He befriended rabbis around the world to try to dissuade me from my faith. He gathered information. He presented me with arguments. He asked me to meet with rabbis to learn more about Judaism. He fought for his principles.

Then he softened. Over the years dad saw both me and my brother, two Jewish believers in Jesus, live honorable lives with integrity. He embraced us both as his sons. Our relationship deepened. Dad’s respect for me deepened. Though he disagreed with my theology and faith, he respected me in my work. His greater principle showed through: we have discussions and respect each other, despite our differences. 

The Value of Family and Community

Dad was the patriarch and leader of our family. He set the expectation that family was our highest priority. We always made it a point to be together for Passover and the Jewish High Holidays. Family gatherings and events were paramount.

Our extended family was and still is very close. It was not unusual to have family from New York, Detroit, and Florida join us in North Carolina for Passover every year. Sometimes we would have 30 family members together for Passover. Our family also traveled to visit other family often. When I moved out for college and life, those expectations never changed.

Dad was active in the synagogue. He was a leader there as well. He would represent the synagogue (a religious/Conservative one) when a local civic organization, church, or school requested a speaker to share about Judaism.

My love of the synagogue, Judaism, the Jewish people, and Israel was instilled in me by my dad. Some of my best memories are going to synagogue, spending time at the rabbis’s house, and hanging out with my Jewish friends. We were in the synagogue all the time. The community was strong. My dad taught me how valuable family and a strong community are.

Dad passed away on Sunday, March 9th at 4:40 PM. His funeral was Tuesday, March 11th at 3 PM. I came home the day after dad was buried and was back doing my job. That week I had seven speaking engagements. Three Christian high school classes, a middle school, and three church services.

I was where dad would have wanted me to be. He taught me to “get back on the field…get back on the court.” He admired my fight for the Jewish people. Our ministry fights against antisemitism and builds bridges with the church. Though he did not believe what I believe about Jesus, he believed in what I do for the Jewish community. 

I know that dad would want people to support the work we are doing to educate the church and to fight antisemitism. He told me that. He not only was proud of the work I do, but he joined in the conversation to educate others alongside me. 

My dad was a blessing to the many who heard him and his memory will live on. Our ministry will continue the work he appreciated so much: loving the Jewish people, fighting antisemitism, and helping the church understand them.

by Murray Tilles

Founder and Executive Director