Interfaith Relationships
Those of us with children who know the Lord hope to raise them to understand the importance of faith, the truth of God’s Word, and the blessing of following Jesus. However, sometimes those who are the closest to us choose to turn in a different direction. Or never get there at all. We have neighbors, friends, and family who need to know the power, freedom, and comfort that only Jesus can bring. Yet so often we witness those we love reject the faith…or never truly understand it.
I meet so many Christian parents whose children have married Jewish spouses or are considering conversion to Judaism. Their children were raised in Christian homes, but met Jewish people, fell in love, and are now living their lives in an interfaith marriage or relationship. Most of them are raising their children in a home with little or no faith. The most common mantra is, “We will let our children make their own decisions when they grow up.”
We are contacted on a regular basis by parents who have children dating Jewish people, husbands and wives who have unbelieving Jewish spouses, and individuals with Jewish friends in an interfaith marriage. It’s becoming more common – A 2020 Pew research poll found that over 42% of married Jewish people in the US have a non-Jewish spouse, and that number increases to 72% for respondents who are non-Orthodox (a.k.a. secular or less religious, which is the majority of Jewish people). That is a huge number! And many of those non-Jewish spouses are professing Christians.
I was recently approached by a lovely couple. Their faces expressed the grief that they were about to share with me. Their son had fallen in love with a Jewish woman and was now married to her. “Murray,” they said, “we deeply love our daughter-in-law, but don’t know how to relate to her. We feel uncomfortable. We want to embrace her…We also know that she needs to know the Lord. Can you help us?” At that, the mother began to cry. This couple is only one example of the many people to whom we minister who have Jewish family members or friends.
Interfaith marriages can bring an unusual dynamic into a Christian family and among Christian friends. When a son or daughter raised in a Christian home decides to marry outside of the faith, parents oftentimes feel betrayed and confused. Sometimes it comes with a sense of loss and grief. Family members don’t know how to handle religious holidays such as Christmas and Hanukkah or Passover and Easter. The common question is: “What do we do?” Our ministry is here to help. Whether or not you have a situation like this in your own life, the following principles are applicable to any Jewish person with whom you might be involved.
Rememember to Pray
It’s easy to forget that prayer is the most powerful tool the Lord has given to us to deal with difficult circumstances. Pray for your Jewish family members and friends. Pray that God will help you to communicate with them in the most effective way possible. Ask the Lord to give you a heart of compassion. Ask Him to remove any bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness that might be in your heart. The only way for you to have compassion on others is to make sure that your heart is right before God. Pray for wisdom, healing, and restoration. Don’t forget to ask the Lord to reveal Himself to those Jewish people in your life whether they are family or friends.
Build Bridges and Not Walls
In most instances, a lot of pressure was put on your child or friend not to marry an unbeliever. I have spoken to Christians who did not go to the wedding of a family member or friend only because they were marrying a Jewish person. Deep and long-lasting friendships can be destroyed because well-meaning Christians do not want to “validate an illegitimate wedding.” Don’t make that mistake. Oftentimes parents protest to such an extent that they push their children away. We can all push friends away. By protesting for too long and pushing too hard it is possible to cause resentment and build walls between you and the people whom you love the most. These walls have to be taken down. Ask for forgiveness and confess sin. Let your Jewish family member or friend know that you desire healing in the relationship.
Move Toward Them
People who marry outside of the faith in which they were raised have made a very difficult personal decision. I am a believer in Jesus and was raised in a Jewish home. My faith and relationship with Jesus has been challenged by my family and others very close to me. Because of those dynamics, I was strengthened in my relationship with Jesus. The same is true for Christians who fall in love and marry outside of the faith in which they were raised. Usually, because of the opposition experienced, there is more resolve to hang onto the path they have chosen. Once the relationship has been chosen there comes a time for you to accept that relationship and build - or rebuild - bridges.
Remember to embrace the Jewish family member or friend in a culturally relevant way. Recognize the Jewish holidays. Send holiday cards. Acknowledge Jewish family events such as bar and bat mitzvahs. Wear a Star of David because of your love for the Jewish people (and your Jewish Messiah!). Even if your Jewish family member or friend is not religious, reach out anyway. They will notice and be positively influenced.
Be Honest with Yourself
If a family member or friend who you thought was a Christian married someone who is not, there is the possibility that they never knew Jesus personally. Or, they are surely living in disobedience to the Lord by marrying someone out of the faith. Do not alienate them. Love them even more. Show them how much you care by extending your love. Encourage them in their faith. You will see results. Our ministry is here to help you with any Jewish person whom God has put into your life. We are here to counsel, encourage, and give answers to the best of our ability. Let us know how we can help.
By Murray Tilles
Founder and Executive Director